A person can achieve success only when he takes his life into his own hands, when he sits behind the wheel of a car called "my destiny."
Why do people often fail to solve their problems?
In all my life
Responsibility for your life The key to solving life's challenges
The catch is that you need to start solving any problem by accepting responsibility for her on yourself. After all, if a person says: “This problem is not mine,” he will not solve it. He believes that someone else should deal with it: society, state, collective, parents, spouse.
Only by recognizing the problem as his own, taking responsibility for its solution, the person will be able to achieve its solution. And solve it exactly the way she needs it.
Katya is 32 years old. She has problems: excess weight, weak muscles, decreased tone, bad.
She is unhappy with her appearance.
Is it possible with such a figure and weight to arrange your personal life? - she complains to her friend.
Katya, I suggest running together in the morning - you will lose weight and have more fun for me!
Well, what are you, Marisha, I always get ready for a long time in the morning, and if I also start running, I will be late for work.
Sign up for a fitness club and go 3 times a week. You have it next to your house.
No, no, it's dear to me. The current salary is not enough for anything.
Yes, you're right, not cheap. Perhaps it is better to study at home? The Internet is full of different courses, choose your taste.
It's good for you, Marina, to offer this, you live alone. And I have a mom and a brother. No, it won't work, they won't let me work out.
Common situation. This is often the case. A person has no purpose and responsibility to solve a problem. Rather, it's worth it - to find a reason why I can't do it, to find excuses for my inaction.
Good thought comes from Eldridge Cleaver:
"If you are not involved in solving a problem, you are participating in creating it."
Taking responsibility for yourself means realistically assessing your strengths, understanding that you are able to solve it, you have the strength, the desire, you know what the final result is, what you are trying to achieve.
The same happens with our time... We complain that we are missing time, we do not have time to do all the necessary things, and they are added every day.
But mine is the area of \u200b\u200bmy personal responsibility. Only I can decide what to spend and how to organize my , as .
And if I work without raising my head, and for the whole day I can break away from work only for a 30-minute break, then this is the result of my choice. I agreed to such working conditions, plus in the process I took on a bunch of additional responsibilities.
Why is it difficult to take responsibility for yourself?
A person wants to avoid troubles, discomfort, which are always associated with responsible behavior, with the need for choice. And shifts the responsibility onto another person, organization, state. In fact, he gives up his rights and freedom: “Take it. Dispose. It's not my job. "
Human freedom lies in the fact that he himself has the ability to consciously make his choice. In any situation there is this freedom, freedom of choice. And a person can use it or refuse. This is his responsibility.
I advise you to catch yourself "by the gills" in any situation when you feel like a victim of circumstances, start crying and complain about fate.
Ask yourself this question right away: "Why and what responsibility am I avoiding at the moment?" This will help to gradually eradicate the desire not to be responsible for your life, for your own and.
Read about the thinking of a responsible person.
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Do you know what prevents us from living more than all the problems put together? What never allows us to become masters of our own lives?
Unwillingness to accept responsibility for what is happening.
I'm not talking about any formal responsibility. This is a purely personal responsibility. Internal, if you like.
Do we need to end some abstract debate about the structure of the world? Or do we just want to live well?
Before those who chose the first, I must apologize what is insidious external circumstance, like me, forced you to read right up to this point, in order to finally inform you that you will not get any benefit from the article.
Now you can definitely stop reading with a clear conscience. And go about their business, waving the locus of control that falls out of all the cracks, and complaining about the harsh insurmountable "reality".
For those who decided to stay with us and try to make their life better, I will explain.
The fact is that our ideas about anything are nothing more than products of our reactive mind.
And ideas about the structure of the world in this sense are no exception. They are not fundamentally different from belief in omens, magical rituals or astrology.
This information is either already in our consciousness, or gets there through the senses, again being recorded exclusively by consciousness. This even applies to the existence of the senses as such.
Whatever one may say, we ourselves are the only reference point for ourselves. And we can check ourselves only by ourselves. That is, in fact - nothing. But this determines our entire worldview and existence based on it.
By the way, serious scientists are usually well aware that their activity is, first of all, a game. They know how many axioms and assumptions there are. And they do not suffer from unnecessary pathos about the “cognition of reality”. They play and enjoy themselves. It is precisely the man in the street who does not understand this, dealing only with the results of their labor.
Agree, in such uncertain conditions, it is simply stupid to rush with your own beliefs, trying to separate the true from the false.
Beliefs should be approached from an applied perspective. Starting from some more or less absolute standards for a person.
It remains only to accept those beliefs that will expand our ability to manage this life. Within the framework, of course, in which we, at the moment, are really able to believe in them.
It's important here. Self-deception will inevitably be revealed in the end.
You shouldn't rush and feed your ego with beautiful myths. You are still far from omnipotent, and when you are, you will hardly be able to appreciate it. There is an excellent proverb about this. "Nothing cures solipsism like a hot iron applied to the stomach." :)
Gradually, the scope of your own capabilities makes sense. Including in your belief system more and more power over your own life.
So taking responsibility is not "solipsism" at all. And not a philosophical theory at all.
All this is a purely practical applied belief. Significantly more resourceful than the common belief that our options are limited. Since it does not imply the presence of mental barriers in the spirit: "I can do this, but this is not in my power (capabilities, power, competence)."
"Objective reality" is just the part that does not depend on us. Therefore, taking it as the basis of our picture of the world, we outline the scope of our own capabilities. That is, we decide for ourselves - I CAN'T do that. Never. All.
When you take responsibility for yourself, you will immediately discover a host of amazing inconsistencies and "software bugs" in the algorithms of human behavior.
For example, those who are so eager to "not cave in under the changing world" are fighting with nothing else but themselves. With that part of themselves that they themselves decided to recognize as inaccessible to their influence. But what a battle goes on sometimes.
Those who, on the contrary, are trying to skillfully adapt to "reality", relying on their own attitudes, strive to become "successful", looking for loopholes in the maze of their own illusory ideas about the world. And they consider themselves dexterous and skillful when they manage to outwit themselves. And they are very proud of themselves.
Funny, isn't it?
From the wrong interpretation of the idea of \u200b\u200bresponsibility, a mass of illusions and myths, completely empty in essence, but strongly interfering with life, has grown. Starting with the most basic myth - that there are some universal "correct" opinions, behavior, actions and solutions to any issues.
Friends, there is no way to live right. Absolutely. Don't waste your life trying to understand and articulate them, as most do. By doing this, you are only building limits for yourself. In my head. Nothing more.
There is a postulate that man never makes any mistakes. He always acts in an optimal way based on the information and opportunities that he has at the moment.
In the context of the above, it becomes not only clear, but even completely obvious.
If you succeed in accepting the fact that you, in essence, do not have, never have, and will never have anyone but yourself, that everything that happens is happening exclusively for you and for your sake, since matters purely based on your perception and assessment of this - many usually painful considerations will cease to cause dissonance in you.
For example, that you should be guided and rely only on yourself. That judging oneself by external assessment, comparing with someone, or somehow asserting oneself is the height of a pointless waste of energy. Etc.
And start looking for and taking in the outside world what you want and like. Calmly refusing everything undesirable.
And the point is not what philosophy you profess. And it’s not about considering all reality to be subjective. To do this would only mean changing one unshakable linear to another.
In disputes about whether other people and events exist besides us, or are a figment of our imagination, there is no sense.
Does this cup of coffee "really" continue to exist when you turn your head the other way? Or is it created only by your consciousness, and immediately disappears along with the table?
What's the difference! You will never know! Forget about it "really". Actually it doesn't matter at all, believe me. :) For our life - that's right.
It is only important that only you can influence everything that happens to you in the direction you need. And if you do not yet know how to achieve this or that "unattainable" goal or cope with the fact that supposedly "does not depend" on you, then you simply have not yet found the necessary lever and have not learned how to manage it.
Search. Learn.
After all, only considering that we are capable of influencing the situation, we will try to influence it. Otherwise, we will not try. Nothing depends on us anyway.
Let's not carry too much rubbish in our head. With it, the brains become too clumsy. We will not profess anything seriously at all. No materialism, no idealism, no solipsism, no concrete philosophy and no -isms. Unless just for fun, at home, under the covers. :)
We'll just be act as if everything depends on us. As if we can do anything. Perhaps, we haven't figured out something yet, we don't know how, we don't know how. But if necessary, we can learn. And we will study, if necessary. Then everything will really depend on us. And we really can do everything.
This is what is called - taking responsibility.
If now I have not been able to convince you - your business. Stay in a world in which almost nothing depends on you, and the existential fear of freedom makes you wake up at night in a cold sweat or takes much wilder forms of compensation than what I have proposed in this article.
A world where you have to constantly search for the absent "truth" and try in vain to figure out how life is "in reality". And in matters of achieving the desired, the decisive vote is always not with you, but with His Majesty Chance, be it Fortune or Fatum.
Do you know what prevents us from living more than all the problems put together? What never allows us to become masters of our own lives?
Unwillingness to accept responsibility for what is happening.
I'm not talking about any formal responsibility. This is a purely personal responsibility. Internal, if you like.
Do we need to end some abstract debate about the structure of the world? Or do we just want to live well?
Before those who chose the first, I must apologize what is insidious external circumstance, like me, forced you to read right up to this point, in order to finally inform you that you will not get any benefit from the article.
Now you can definitely stop reading with a clear conscience. And go about their business, waving the locus of control that falls out of all the cracks, and complaining about the harsh insurmountable "reality".
For those who decided to stay with us and try to make their life better, I will explain.
The fact is that our ideas about anything are nothing more than products of our reactive mind.
And ideas about the structure of the world in this sense are no exception. They are not fundamentally different from belief in omens, magical rituals or astrology.
This information is either already in our consciousness, or gets there through the senses, again being recorded exclusively by consciousness. This even applies to the existence of the senses as such.
Whatever one may say, we ourselves are the only reference point for ourselves. And we can check ourselves only by ourselves. That is, in fact - nothing. But this determines our entire worldview and existence based on it.
By the way, serious scientists are usually well aware that their activity is, first of all, a game. They know how many axioms and assumptions there are. And they do not suffer from unnecessary pathos about the “cognition of reality”. They play and enjoy themselves. It is precisely the man in the street who does not understand this, dealing only with the results of their labor.
Agree, in such uncertain conditions, it is simply stupid to rush with your own beliefs, trying to separate the true from the false.
Beliefs should be approached from an applied perspective. Starting from some more or less absolute standards for a person.
It remains only to accept those beliefs that will expand our ability to manage this life. Within the framework, of course, in which we, at the moment, are really able to believe in them.
It's important here. Self-deception will inevitably be revealed in the end.
You shouldn't rush and feed your ego with beautiful myths. You are still far from omnipotent, and when you are, you will hardly be able to appreciate it. There is an excellent proverb about this. "Nothing cures solipsism like a hot iron applied to the stomach." :)
Gradually, the scope of your own capabilities makes sense. Including in your belief system more and more power over your own life.
So taking responsibility is not "solipsism" at all. And not a philosophical theory at all.
All this is a purely practical applied belief. Significantly more resourceful than the common belief that our options are limited. Since it does not imply the presence of mental barriers in the spirit: "I can do this, but this is not in my power (capabilities, power, competence)."
"Objective reality" is just the part that does not depend on us. Therefore, taking it as the basis of our picture of the world, we outline the scope of our own capabilities. That is, we decide for ourselves - I CAN'T do that. Never. All.
When you take responsibility for yourself, you will immediately discover a host of amazing inconsistencies and "software bugs" in the algorithms of human behavior.
For example, those who are so eager to "not cave in under the changing world" are fighting with nothing else but themselves. With that part of themselves that they themselves decided to recognize as inaccessible to their influence. But what a battle goes on sometimes.
Those who, on the contrary, are trying to skillfully adapt to "reality", relying on their own attitudes, strive to become "successful", looking for loopholes in the maze of their own illusory ideas about the world. And they consider themselves dexterous and skillful when they manage to outwit themselves. And they are very proud of themselves.
Funny, isn't it?
From the wrong interpretation of the idea of \u200b\u200bresponsibility, a mass of illusions and myths, completely empty in essence, but strongly interfering with life, has grown. Starting with the most basic myth - that there are some universal "correct" opinions, behavior, actions and solutions to any issues.
Friends, there is no way to live right. Absolutely. Don't waste your life trying to understand and articulate them, as most do. By doing this, you are only building limits for yourself. In my head. Nothing more.
There is a postulate that man never makes any mistakes. He always acts in an optimal way based on the information and opportunities that he has at the moment.
In the context of the above, it becomes not only clear, but even completely obvious.
If you succeed in accepting the fact that you, in essence, do not have, never have, and will never have anyone but yourself, that everything that happens is happening exclusively for you and for your sake, since matters purely based on your perception and assessment of this - many usually painful considerations will cease to cause dissonance in you.
For example, that you should be guided and rely only on yourself. That judging oneself by external assessment, comparing with someone, or somehow asserting oneself is the height of a pointless waste of energy. Etc.
And start looking for and taking in the outside world what you want and like. Calmly refusing everything undesirable.
And the point is not what philosophy you profess. And it’s not about considering all reality to be subjective. To do this would only mean changing one unshakable linear to another.
In disputes about whether other people and events exist besides us, or are a figment of our imagination, there is no sense.
Does this cup of coffee "really" continue to exist when you turn your head the other way? Or is it created only by your consciousness, and immediately disappears along with the table?
What's the difference! You will never know! Forget about it "really". Actually it doesn't matter at all, believe me. :) For our life - that's right.
It is only important that only you can influence everything that happens to you in the direction you need. And if you do not yet know how to achieve this or that "unattainable" goal or cope with the fact that supposedly "does not depend" on you, then you simply have not yet found the necessary lever and have not learned how to manage it.
Search. Learn.
After all, only considering that we are capable of influencing the situation, we will try to influence it. Otherwise, we will not try. Nothing depends on us anyway.
Let's not carry too much rubbish in our head. With it, the brains become too clumsy. We will not profess anything seriously at all. No materialism, no idealism, no solipsism, no concrete philosophy and no -isms. Unless just for fun, at home, under the covers. :)
We'll just be act as if everything depends on us. As if we can do anything. Perhaps, we haven't figured out something yet, we don't know how, we don't know how. But if necessary, we can learn. And we will study, if necessary. Then everything will really depend on us. And we really can do everything.
This is what is called - taking responsibility.
If now I have not been able to convince you - your business. Stay in a world in which almost nothing depends on you, and the existential fear of freedom makes you wake up at night in a cold sweat or takes much wilder forms of compensation than what I have proposed in this article.
A world where you have to constantly search for the absent "truth" and try in vain to figure out how life is "in reality". And in matters of achieving the desired, the decisive vote is always not with you, but with His Majesty Chance, be it Fortune or Fatum.
To understand why people avoid responsibility, the first step is to ask yourself the following questions: "What is responsibility?" and "How to understand where a person takes it upon himself, and where not?"
I would call responsibility the sphere of human control. We take responsibility for ourselves in those situations where we exercise control over what is happening, take part in it, perform some actions that contribute to obtaining the results that we need.
Turns out that avoidance of responsibility - this is a refusal for one reason or another to influence the situation, the expectation that the situation will change itself, or someone will change it for us. When they say to someone: “Take responsibility for your life,” they usually mean: “Start to do something at last so that your life becomes the way you want, instead of complaining about the circumstances, continuing“ to go with the flow".
Here it is worth recalling such a well-known concept in psychology as locus of control... This is the property of a person to attribute his successes or failures to internal or external factors. Usually, if a person is more accustomed to considering himself the cause of those things that happen to him in life, it is considered that he has internal locus of control(internal). If a person believes that in general he does not particularly affect anything in life, and what happens is determined by fate, karma, God, aliens, different people or any other circumstances, then he is considered to have external locus of control (external).
Of course, in a normal situation for most people, this indicator will be somewhere between two extremes, shifted more to one or the other pole.
People whose locus of control is very strongly shifted to the outside usually play the role of a victim of circumstances. Everything is wrong with them, they have nothing to influence, others are to blame for everything. They are not at all responsible for their lives, they move wherever the stream carries them. Like small children who feel helpless in the face of emerging problems and instead of solving can only be offended or blame others.
For example, a person has no friends, but he blames others for this, takes offense at them and even gets angry because they do not understand him, do not want to understand, do not appreciate and do not love, instead of figuring out the real reason, and that to change something in yourself, to take some action in order to build the desired relationship with others.
People whose locus of control is very much internalized often take responsibility even for what they essentially cannot influence. For example, for other people's emotions or decisions. These people are prone to strong feelings of guilt and self-blame when something goes wrong.
A good example would be working with a guy who experienced a number of unpleasant emotions if a girl refused him when meeting him. He always took any refusal personally, believing that he was doing something wrong, while believing that if he did everything correctly, he would definitely receive a positive answer. He could not understand in any way that there were other circumstances that he could not influence with all his desire and with all the "correctness" of his actions. When we started to understand, it turned out that something similar was happening in other areas - the conviction that everything always depends on him. But this, of course, is not the case. There are always a number of factors that affect, especially when there is an interaction with any other living system: an animal, a person, a group of people. I once really liked a wonderful example given by Robert Dilts: if we kick the ball with some experience and skill, we can calculate the trajectory of the ball where it will land. If we kick a dog, we never know for sure where the dog will be in a few seconds.
Of course, if we have already known a person for some time, we know his habits and peculiarities, then in this case it is already possible to more or less calculate how he will react to our action. But also not always. Moreover, we cannot rule everything and always in this world. Many things happen in one way or another against our will, and nothing can be done about it.
Remember the prayer for serenity? “Lord, give me peace of mind to accept what I cannot change, give me the courage to change what I can, and wisdom to distinguish one from the other” - this is just about a balanced locus of control. It is very important to be able to take responsibility and take action where possible and simply let go of control, accept the inevitability where there is no opportunity to change anything.
It is also worth noting that when they talk about a person's locus of control, a certain general indicator is calculated by averaging the level of control in different situations. That is, the general tendency of a person to take responsibility for events in different areas of his life on himself or to shift it to the outside world. But, interestingly, despite the common denominator, in some areas a person can have a completely opposite locus of control. For example, in the spheres of business, health, self-development, a person takes responsibility for the results (internal locus of control), and in the sphere of personal relationships he is convinced that nothing depends on him (external locus of control).
In my experience, this has a lot to do with the person's beliefs that were formed in the process of growing up. For example, a person may have an external locus of control in the sphere of relationships, because at some stage of his life he formed the belief that God or fate will send him a “soul mate”, that everything should happen by itself, so no special actions undertakes in this area.
Sometimes, on the contrary, a person believes that he is wearing a “celibacy crown” and also does nothing, but walks around psychics, hoping to “remove” the curse, instead of analyzing the reasons for failures and changing something in himself. It turns out that here he shifts responsibility for the result in this area of \u200b\u200bhis life to others.
Now that it has become more clear about responsibility, let's try to figure out the reasons why people avoid responsibility in different areas of their lives.
Several main reasons that come to mind:
1. A person’s conviction that it does not depend on him, that he cannot influence it. When, for one reason or another, there are convictions that this cannot be changed. I have already given one example above, but you can add more. For example, the belief "Nothing will ever change in this country." With such a conviction, a person does not even try to change anything.
In this case, it is necessary to work with these beliefs, expand the understanding of a specific area, help in finding methods to change the situation and achieve results.
2. Avoiding responsibility due to inability and ignorance of how to do something, and as a result of the expectation that someone will do for me.
Usually, such a problem arises in dependent people, those for whom from childhood they have shown over-concern and were not allowed to do anything themselves. Such people simply do not know how and are not accustomed to strain to get something done. They were taught from childhood that if they tried something and did not work out the first time, their mother would come running and arrange everything. Usually such people even in adulthood, if something did not work out right away, do not strive to find a solution on their own, to make efforts. They pretend to be confused and helpless and wait for their mother to come, or someone adult who will replace their mother. And if they are not helped, they sincerely do not understand why, and take offense at the bad people around who do not like them because they do not want to help. The problem is often aggravated by the fact that since many years all problems and tasks were solved by others, a person has not formed enough skills and personal experience on which he can rely. The volume of work is very large. When a person wants to do something, it all piles on at once, seems overwhelming, and it is easier for him to return to his usual patterns of behavior. By the way, such people often have an inner feeling that they are still small and do not themselves know how to do it right, but other adults know better what to do.
I, of course, described an extreme case, but such extremes also occur. For some, this is manifested in part or in certain areas of life. Someone in all at once.
Therapeutic work with such people will consist in consistent learning of independence, developing strategies for finding solutions and achieving results, in building skills and confidence that he himself knows how to act. All this should ultimately lead to the gradual maturation of the personality or that part of the personality that was stuck in childhood.
3. Avoiding responsibility for fear of being wrong. Usually, this reason for throwing off responsibility is manifested in people who were constantly punished, criticized for mistakes and failures, and who were exaggerated. Sometimes they just showed how the fact that he had not coped with something badly and terribly, how much upset his mother. In general, if it's simpler, the person's failures / mistakes are associated with something terrible and painful, so he tries to avoid them by any means. Usually such people are perfectionists, because how else can you avoid mistakes? That's right, make everything perfect, be perfect. But in the world there is nothing ideal and cannot be. Moreover, a person cannot help but make mistakes, because this is a normal part of any training. Therefore, as a rule, a person avoids those areas where it is impossible to do it perfectly, tries not to take responsibility for the results, because any failure will be painful for him. Surprisingly, such people are over-responsible and can feel guilty even where they cannot do anything. But at the same time, those situations in which they are not sure that they will cope 100%, perfectionists will try to avoid. They often play a game with themselves, "yes, I didn't really want to." That is, they simply do not do something in which they can fail, thereby maintaining the illusion of ideality. Usually such people are not inclined to experiment and rarely go beyond the usual. Any attempts to do something new with them are accompanied by strong anxiety and resistance until they gain the proper degree so as not to make mistakes. Often another problem is the desire to do everything the first time. If it doesn't work right away, the person gets upset and doesn't try anymore. Even once it is very painful to experience failure.
In many ways, they certainly take responsibility and get results. But in areas where they may not cope, where there may be criticism, they will avoid taking responsibility at all costs.
Therapeutic work with such people will consist in removing the fear of failure / error, working through the feeling of guilt, in learning to accept your imperfection and love yourself as you are, regardless of your achievements or failures.
4. Unwillingness to take responsibility due to disbelief in their own capabilities. A person stops believing that he can cope with something in the case when there were a lot of failures in the past. As a result of multiple unsuccessful experiences, he forms the belief that he can do nothing or that something is wrong with him. And with this conviction, he no longer even tries to try, because he expects failure in advance. Moreover, each new failure "clings" and raises up the pain of past failures, forcing a person to become even more convinced that something is wrong with him and he is not capable of anything. Then a person simply does not even try to do something or manage something, he avoids any responsibility. Why, if all the same, the result will be nothing but pain and disappointment?
Therapeutic work with such a person will consist in searching for internal resources, in reassessing past experience and finding out the real reasons for failure, in the formation of effective strategies for achieving results, the formation of positive beliefs instead of negative ones about their abilities and reinforcement of them with successful experience. He will need to gradually build the "foundation of success", first achieving results in small things, and then relying on these achievements as a resource, gradually achieve more in his life.
Of course, the "clean options" are described here, but in real life they are often mixed, so the work is going in several different directions. And this kind of work is worth doing, it can be very life-changing. Research shows that people with an internal locus of control are happier, more likely to fulfill themselves in various spheres of life, and are less anxious. It is not surprising that such people live much better than those who have an external locus of control. The latter, not having enough influence on what happens to them, often become victims of circumstances, feel anxiety about the inability to influence what is happening and are forced to rely on others, which makes them dependent. Under the yoke of external events, they make the wrong decisions, go in the wrong direction, and, in the end, simply live the wrong life. But work on oneself allows one to turn from a “victim of circumstances” into a “master of life” who plans, acts, makes decisions, achieves results, and builds his own life. After all, it is not something magical, but a collection of supportive beliefs and effective thinking patterns that can be taught to a person. And these are not empty words. For example, when I was undergoing a program on working with drug addicts with Frank Pucelik, he told how, in his centers, from essentially goner people whose personalities are destroyed by drugs and the way of life they led, make them quite successful members of society. Not all of them, of course, only those who had the strength and desire to go through a long program (from one and a half years). And I saw these guys, talked with them. They are open, they have a clear speech, they are confident, they work, they raise children, they are in no way like former drug addicts. You want to be friends with such people. Looking at them, you understand what really the potential for positive changes is inherent in a person, you just need to help him open up. It is not easy, but quite possible.
Do you know what distinguishes a boss from a subordinate? Leader from follower? Maybe a separate office with a leather sofa? A pretty secretary? Service car with a driver? High salary?
Yes, exactly, the bosses have it all. And why are they so happy? For the ability to see the target? Ability to spark and motivate others? Look confident? Honesty? Or for the ability not only to make decisions to achieve the goal, but also to take responsibility for the results of the decisions made?
Why do real leaders take responsibility?
After all, it is much easier either not to make any decisions or to blame everything on someone else. This is the same initial human quality - unwillingness to be responsible for their actions, which was proved by Adam and his wife, unanimously dumping the responsibility for the decision on everyone who caught the eye, including the Creator.
It is noteworthy that the Creator in this case did not say: "Well, okay, for the first time I forgive, whatever the child is amused ... you will grow up still." Do you know why? Because human nature is such that a person, be he even three times honest, but if he is allowed to do whatever he wants without consequences, 99.5% of people after a certain time will feel unpunished.
Responsibility is the price we pay for power (Winston Churchill)
Illustration. I want to tell you the story of Samson. In fact, many people know about Samson, but everything is somehow more about his tricks with Delilah and in the context of female deceit. But the prehistory of his tragedy began precisely with irresponsibility, which stemmed from impunity and immaturity.
Samson was a Nazirite. For few people this word is informative, so I will explain. Nazarenes are people who were dedicated to the service of God from the very beginning. God gave them exceptional abilities and talents for observing (in addition to communicating with Him) certain rituals and external visible signs. In particular, the Nazarenes had no right to:
- Eating grapes and all of its derivatives (for example, drinking wine and eating raisins)
- Cutting hair
- Touching a dead body, even if it was your own parents
- And this is in addition to what was prescribed for an ordinary Orthodox Jew.
Samson possessed colossal, superhuman strength by his Nazarite character. Just Mister Incredible. What did our hero do with his gift?
- Killed a lion (pulled his head into his shoulders, waited for the result - the strength did not disappear)
- After a while, the bees built a hive in the lion's body - he pulled out honey (from a dead body) and ate it (he was alert - the strength did not disappear)
- He made friends with the Philistines (sworn enemies of the Jews), drank with them and decided to marry one of their women (occasionally glancing at the sky and playing with muscles)
- When the Philistines did not please him, he grabbed the jaw of a dead (!) Donkey and nailed down those who turned up under the arm (nowhere and no matter what)
So the situation with Delilah is not a question of frivolous, crazy love, but a question of irresponsibility for the decisions made. Samson died prematurely and not heroically. Strength returned to him only for a moment and only because God had his own opinion about the future of the Philistines.
Most people do not really want freedom, because it implies responsibility, and most people are afraid of responsibility (Sigmund Freud)
So the question is: what is good and what is bad?
- make no decisions?
- make any decisions and see what comes of it?
But dear ones, this is only a matter of decision making and the associated risk. These are not questions of responsibility for decisions made. We make decisions every day. Not making any decisions is also a decision. Indifference is also a solution.
Thoughtlessness is also a solution. We take risks every day: no one knows 100% in advance what this or that action will lead to - Annushka could have spilled her oil. Proposing solutions while being creative is great as long as you make sure you don't have to answer for it. By the way, therefore, the bosses always look more conservative than the collective - they know what to beat, if something happens, they will start with him. Thus, the best way to develop a sense of responsibility in a person is to give him that responsibility.
And if not promoted to positions of responsibility?
Secret: the lack of an inner shaft is drawn in large letters on the forehead. Because responsibility is either the fear of punishment or maturity - there is no third way. And if you are responsible only because you will be fired for poor quality work, this is not at all a leadership responsibility. It's time to reconsider your priorities and reframe (change the picture in your head). Everything in the world is relative.
A simple example.People look at the price of a product (service, training, etc.) from one of two points of view: relative to the contents of their wallet or relative to the value of what is offered. And what is curious - the price does not change by itself, but if the point of view suddenly changes, the attitude changes dramatically. Those. if the training course is expensive (say, $ 50) regarding the wallet, then when you understand what exactly you learn from this course, the attitude changes. Because you already think in other categories: in terms of profit, not spending.
What does this have to do with responsibility for the decision? It's simple. You can decide not to make any decisions to avoid responsibility. Then others will decide for you. You do not lose or gain anything. Unless, in old age, it will become a little sad that life flew by, and you did not have time for anything. And it would never occur to me that I did not have time, because I did not want to be in time.
You can start making risky decisions and take responsibility for them. It's scary, you can fly in ... Yes, you can fly. But in any case, victory or defeat, we gain Experience. The most valuable thing to convert the elusive time into.
I really like the phrase that one of my acquaintances says: "If I dream of my own house and drive in at least one nail every day, I will hit my fingers with a hammer more than once, but in five years I will have my own house and construction experience houses, which I can pass on to my son. And if I just dream of a house, in five years I will just become older. "
To change the inscription on the forehead from "Artist" to "Leader", you need to do a little work on yourself. For example, learn to admit your own mistakes and take responsibility for your decisions.
Do you want to learn how to shave the responsibility for making decisions?
You can start doing this by grabbing a pen, a notebook, and making a list. Start each phrase with the words: "I am responsible for ..." Continue the phrase with any expressions, no matter how absurd they may seem to you. Try to have at least 10 statements on your list.
Meaning: get used to this scary phrase and learn how to pronounce it out loud.
- Try to take on everything that has been unknown to you until now. Master new hobbies (dancing, surfing, painting), do not be afraid to change hobbies and interests. Practice in public speaking (you can start in front of children, parents, a cat, a photograph) - such an experience for a future leader is invaluable.
- Just avoid competitions and activities where you have to compare yourself with others. There is a risk that
- Enjoy small victories, keep a Success Diary. Before going to bed each day, write a list of at least three, or preferably seven, things that you have managed to cope with. Not great, not brilliant, but easy to handle. Because the concept of "brilliant" is different for everyone: if for a sanguine person even taking his grandmother across the road is a brilliant act, then for a melancholic the annual financial report of a large company will not become brilliant if he put a comma in the wrong place.
This exercise should not depend on whether the day turned out to be successful or, on the contrary, mediocre. Just do it every day without missing a single one. And you will see the sky in diamonds. This is not a joke: you will become a positive person very quickly. Stop obsessing about failure and start focusing on the deeds and projects that you came out with as a winner. Trust the opinion of the former melancholic introvert.