A person can achieve success only when he takes his life into his own hands, when he sits behind the wheel of a car called "my destiny."
Why do people often fail to solve their problems?
In all my life
Responsibility for your life The key to solving life's challenges
The catch is that you need to start solving any problem by accepting responsibility for her on yourself. After all, if a person says: “This problem is not mine,” he will not solve it. He believes that someone else should deal with it: society, state, collective, parents, spouse.
Only by recognizing the problem as his own, taking responsibility for its solution, the person will be able to achieve its solution. And solve it exactly the way she needs it.
Katya is 32 years old. She has problems: excess weight, weak muscles, decreased tone, bad.
She is unhappy with her appearance.
Is it possible with such a figure and weight to arrange your personal life? - she complains to her friend.
Katya, I suggest running together in the morning - you will lose weight and have more fun for me!
Well, what are you, Marisha, I always get ready for a long time in the morning, and if I also start running, I will be late for work.
Sign up for a fitness club and go 3 times a week. You have it next to your house.
No, no, it's dear to me. The current salary is not enough for anything.
Yes, you're right, not cheap. Perhaps it is better to study at home? The Internet is full of different courses, choose your taste.
It's good for you, Marina, to offer this, you live alone. And I have a mom and a brother. No, it won't work, they won't let me work out.
Common situation. This is often the case. A person has no purpose and responsibility to solve a problem. Rather, it's worth it - to find a reason why I can't do it, to find excuses for my inaction.
Good thought comes from Eldridge Cleaver:
"If you are not involved in solving a problem, you are participating in creating it."
Taking responsibility for yourself means realistically assessing your strengths, understanding that you are able to solve it, you have the strength, the desire, you know what the final result is, what you are trying to achieve.
The same happens with our time... We complain that we are missing time, we do not have time to do all the necessary things, and they are added every day.
But mine is the area of \u200b\u200bmy personal responsibility. Only I can decide what to spend and how to organize my , as .
And if I work without raising my head, and for the whole day I can break away from work only for a 30-minute break, then this is the result of my choice. I agreed to such working conditions, plus in the process I took on a bunch of additional responsibilities.
Why is it difficult to take responsibility for yourself?
A person wants to avoid troubles, discomfort, which are always associated with responsible behavior, with the need for choice. And shifts the responsibility onto another person, organization, state. In fact, he gives up his rights and freedom: “Take it. Dispose. It's not my job. "
Human freedom lies in the fact that he himself has the ability to consciously make his choice. In any situation there is this freedom, freedom of choice. And a person can use it or refuse. This is his responsibility.
I advise you to catch yourself "by the gills" in any situation when you feel like a victim of circumstances, start crying and complain about fate.
Ask yourself this question right away: "Why and what responsibility am I avoiding at the moment?" This will help to gradually eradicate the desire not to be responsible for your life, for your own and.
Read about the thinking of a responsible person.
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If you take responsibility for your life, gradually things will start to change. For this alone, you must be serious and determined.
Indecision in this case is perhaps the worst thing. How often do we go with the flow, not controlling our lives, allowing external circumstances to determine our destiny.
Here's what the famous entrepreneur and life coach Anthony Robbins advises.
- Make a decision when you are enthusiastic.
- Make a commitment to follow through.
- Tell yourself that your decision is final and that everything will happen as you planned.
Unfortunately, most of us constantly break our promises to ourselves, that is, lie to ourselves. And if you don't trust yourself, you simply won't be able to change anything in your life. How to be?
Challenge yourself
Don't dismiss this article. Don't put it off until tomorrow. Make a decision today... Let it be what you have long wanted or planned to do. Promise yourself that you are halfway there. Tell yourself that you already have all the necessary qualities. Otherwise, this idea would not have tormented you all this time.
According to researchers, if we take on some obligations, especially in public, the very desire to appear consistent prompts us to act in accordance with the decision. Can Commitment Change Behavior? A Case Study of Environmental Actions..
When we make a decision, we build a certain idea of \u200b\u200bourselves that corresponds to our new behavior.
We begin to perceive ourselves in accordance with this decision. If, in the end, our behavior for a sufficiently long time (about 4 months Commitment, behavior, and attitude change: An analysis of voluntary recycling.) corresponds to the decision made, our settings also change.
Pretend until it's true? No. Make a decision to change and follow it. One should not pretend, but.
Finally
Make a decision, take responsibility for implementing it and communicate it to others. Make a rough plan of action. Think about what you want to achieve and what you need to do to achieve it.
And then create the conditions in which you will inevitably accomplish your plans. Leave no loopholes for yourself. Over time, a responsible attitude towards life will simply become a habit.
Marina NikitinaResponsibility is formed, educated and instilled in a child as a necessary social skill. The kid is taught to understand and take responsibility for actions, actions, and their consequences.
You have to learn to take responsibility for yourself both in childhood and on your own in adulthood, since the number of responsibilities in the process of life increases.
Responsibility as a socially conditioned skill is built into the structure of a person's personality and becomes a volitional quality.
A responsible person is a person who exercises external and internal control, with a sense of duty and responsibility.
A person who has learned to take responsibility:
realizes that life, success, self-realization, happiness depend on him;
is ready to fulfill the promises made to himself and to other people, does it diligently;
knows how to make decisions in crisis situations;
knows how to take care of those who need help and support, or are not independent enough;
clearly understands the consequences of decisions. When you take responsibility, interpersonal relationships arise, involving rights and responsibilities, a sense of duty and honor.
Marriage, parenting, guardianship, work, and other spheres of life involve taking on certain obligations. 
Limits of personal responsibility
When a person learns to make commitments, he must be clearly aware of the boundaries and norms of what is acceptable.
Lack of responsibility, inability and unwillingness to take and fulfill obligations is irresponsibility. Excess responsibility is overprotective.
Irresponsible people do not take upon themselves obligations, wishing to simplify their life, but suffer from their helplessness, infantilism, frivolity, frivolity, cowardice.
Over-responsible people suffer from anxiety, fears, irritability, suspiciousness, excessive control.
Overprotection is no less dangerous than irresponsibility. Both the lack and the overabundance of responsibility negatively affect personal life, because of them interpersonal and.
Responsibility in its normal form:
regulates, organizes life,
, gives self-confidence,
inspires respect and self-respect,
carries out internal and external control,
fills life with meaning,
gives a feeling.
Ways of accepting responsibility
Those wishing to learn how to take responsibility are encouraged to act in two directions:
Accept the responsibility provided.
Show initiative and commit yourself.
The first path is passive, the second presupposes activity, but both develop skill and ability.
In the case of accepting the provided responsibility, a person needs by an effort of will to force himself to complete the task, overcome reluctance, laziness, timidity and fears. Don't think of it as a hopeless situation. 
A responsible situation affecting a person arises by itself or at the initiative of another person and should be perceived as a necessity.
For example, by systematically performing household chores on time and in the right form, a person will learn to take responsibility for the actions taken. As parents teach young children to fold scattered toys, so an adult independently learns to do housework, motivating himself with the need to maintain cleanliness and order.
By independently creating the conditions in which a person takes responsibility, he accelerates. In this case, he gives himself a task, performs and is responsible for the result. He artificially creates, simulates a situation of responsibility and learns to act in it, controls his emotions and desires, and motivates himself.
Situations that develop a sense of responsibility
Extreme situations. These are situations when the life of a person and other people depends on the ability to take responsibility. These are difficult, dangerous situations that require willpower and endurance. If a person experiences himself in such a situation, one must act carefully and wisely.
Example. Sport is a relatively safe way to develop responsibility in an extreme situation.
Situations when it is impossible not to take responsibility. A person has no choice, he cannot refuse for reasons of morality and ethics, a sense of duty, having a desire to help.
Example. A person is trusted to watch someone else's child for a while, while parents are busy with urgent matters, and there is no one to leave the child to. 
Situations granting new rights. Since there are no rights without obligations, their acquisition will entail liability.
Example. By purchasing a pet and enjoying the right to play with it and enjoy it, a person takes responsibility for its welfare. Children are given animals in the hope of teaching them to take responsibility for another living creature.
Positive situations. A person easily takes and bears responsibility for what he loves, what is dear and important to him.
Example. When a person loves another, he feels a desire to help him, take care, support - these are manifestations of a sense of responsibility.
An obligatory person loves life, therefore, bears responsibility independently, controls himself, is free to be that and live as he wants.
March 1, 2014, 16:30Don't take responsibility for a person's happiness ..
I'll explain now.
Sometimes situations arise when for some reason we decide to “save” the “misfortune foot "person. Conditionally rescue and conditionally unfortunate, of course.
You met a guy, and a girl recently left him, his heart is broken, he needs to be cured. And let's treat him in full. Or someone hurt the girl's soul, and you came to his place as a savior. I am not giving you advice, just listen to what I have to say:
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP BEGINS WITH TWO HEALTHY PEOPLE
And this is the rule.
First, everyone should heal himself, you can help to some extent, but do not rush to get closer until the person understands himself.
A healthy person is a normal, adequate person who knows about his merits and does not belittle them (everything is fine with self-esteem), but also honestly sees his shortcomings. Each person has strengths and weaknesses, this is how nature works. There are no perfect people, and there are more than enough of perfect neurotics.
A healthy person is aware of his needs, knows how to talk about his feelings, express emotions, constructively approaches the solution of problems in relationships (and they always arise, problems are an integral part of life on the way of anyone growing as a person), knows how to love and, most importantly, a healthy person takes responsibility for his own happiness in the relationship. Do you feel the difference? Someone should not make you happy, no one owes you anything.
It is clear that not all of us are at this level of awareness, but! Choose a match for your maturity. Try at least. I will now explain why this is important.
When you realize that you have grown a lot, you begin to feel especially acutely responsible for every word spoken, for every action you take. At a certain stage of development, it is not difficult for you to fall in love with a person - it is very easy, but you never do it. As in sports, do you understand? The higher your rank / dan, etc., the more responsibility for the action, especially in relation to someone who is not related to sports. If a professional karateka hits an ordinary person, then this will be followed by punishment (not always, of course, but you got my train of thought, I think).
If you are saving someone all the time, sacrificing something all the time, living for someone else, something else is happening, stop a little. Understand yourself, analyze past relationships, child-parent leads. Maybe you are stuck in some kind of repetitive scenario?
Each of us is happy if someone experiences positive emotions in relation to us, it is always very pleasant, I agree. But look at the algorithm, if one person is a little more mature than the other (it is clear that exactly those who are worthy of being around at a given time are always attracted to each other, but still there is something to think about).
For example, you are a mature person, free inside and, in principle, the presence or absence of someone else nearby does not make you very happy or unhappy. Of course, a loved one next to you is a great happiness, but rather, it is additional happiness to your own happiness. If he leaves, you will still live a happy life, and accept his choice. Be sad, of course, but in general, life will not be destroyed. If the second person is as mature, then you start the relationship very consciously (with the desire to be together for life), and end, if it really happened, they also consciously. But if the second person is not very mature, then another situation arises.
At first he / she is delighted with your maturity, you are admired, etc., but gradually he / she develops a strong attachment. And it seems like it's not very bad, everyone lives like that, it's even nice to hear all these “I can't live without you,” “I’ll die without you,” etc., but at some point you start to get tired of it. That is, for a person, not himself and his path, his development is the center of life, but YOU. And if suddenly you decided to move away or leave his life, then everything collapses with him. And as a mature person, you understand that it hurts, hard, etc., but you also won’t stay with him because of pity or something else. Do you see what I mean?
"Sticky" love one day begins to weigh on a mature person. Yes, of course, you can save, you can raise another, and often it happens - someone is raising someone. But I know from myself: while you are raising someone else, you yourself are marking time very often. For some reason, people have different levels of development, and according to another theory of mine (not confirmed by anyone), their tasks for life are different. Someone to play in the professional league, someone in the amateur. And there is no better or worse option. It's just that two players from the professional league can show a stronger game, motivate each other to grow, etc.
If two personalities are not very mature, this is not such a big problem :))) There, the story is usually dramatic, with experiences, partings, resentments, etc. - we all go through a similar stage. But when it passed, be attentive to the heart of another person! You always need to be attentive to the other person's heart, but before you take responsibility for their happiness, deal with your scripts and trauma.
Don't take responsibility for the happiness of an unhappy person. This applies not only to your woman or man, but also to your parents, siblings, friends, grandfathers, etc. Compassionate, help, but do not become a crutch for them. "Nobody will do your inner work for you." You cannot live his own life for another. Once such stories become an unbearable burden for those who have set high goals for themselves along the way. Of course, this does not apply to all people living in this world. But so those who are not concerned, I think, will never read this post.
Dear Readers.
I invite you to the webinar
(A webinar is a seminar that takes place on the Internet. People who have a computer and Internet access can take part in it. The place of residence does not matter)
“Codependency. Are we responsible for the happiness of the addict? "
Codependency is dependence on a person who is himself dependent - alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, etc.
Most often, codependents are relatives of addicted people - children, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters of alcoholics, drug addicts, etc.
At the webinar, I will introduce you in detail to what codependency is.
how it is formed and how it manifests itself in life.
What problems does a codependent person face when choosing a partner, building relationships, defending their boundaries, forming personal space, understanding and defending their interests.
And how to solve the main problem - to be happy if a relative, a bright person, depends.
Date: 04/23/2016
Time: 18:00 Moscow time
Duration - 2 hours (120 minutes)
Participation fee - 500 rubles or $ 8
Send your application for participation here: [email protected]
I will send payment details and a link to register for the webinar to everyone who has sent applications.
Good afternoon dear friends!
Very often we avoid responsibility for fear of losing our freedom and independence from circumstances. The habit of pushing the blame for failure on anyone but yourself is dangerous and contagious.
For fear of failing and failing to cope with the volume of hopes imposed, a person becomes like the position of an ostrich and is terrified of any manifestation of an act, be it marriage, the decision to have a child, or quit a hated job. How to take responsibility for your life and receive the well-deserved benefits of the universe?
In today's material, I have selected 10 reasons that can turn your perception of responsibility and help you look at your own opportunities and prospects differently. Let's start?
Reason 1. Role of Victim or Winner?
In order to understand the beauty of the responsibility entrusted to oneself, it is worth taking a closer look at the way of perception of what is happening around... People who are afraid to use their own brain, logic, will, as well as confidence in actions, suffer from strange complex - avoidance.
This amazing ability originates from victim positions... The essence of this behavior doomed to fail, because whatever he does, the result will rest on the actions of other people.
For example, to the question: “ Why is this so? ", The individual will offer many amazing facts-justifications, the key figure of which will be collective mind, which completely got out of hand. Bad state, era, era, neighbors, director of a company, diseases and other storehouse of lists.
In order to change approach to such a formation of beliefs, it is worth taking its true purpose - only you are responsible for how life is built!
No one except you is able to change or generate the necessary resources for meet your needs and needs.
Arranging thinking in winning position, you will have many perspectives that bring choices and responsibility for actions.
Reason 2. Personal experience.
Sometimes a person can let strangers live their lives... You could contemplate a sad picture - a mother, although she is one of the most important people on Earth, makes decisions when the child is 40, a friend always knows how to do business better, although he himself cannot boast of such an achievement, the other half is definitely sure of the fact that her vision of the world is true and must certainly be embodied in reality.
And where in this abundance of lives and other people's decisions are you? Is it convenient for you to trust in all matters the opinion of other people who, not the fact that they are doing the right thing? And if something doesn't go according to plan, who will you blame? Self or Hivemind?
By purchasing someone else's experience, and not your own, you risk being left with nothing in the end. After all, ideas are not among your achievements, all work is also not the result your panting, sweat and blood.
By refusing to blindly follow the route of other, two-legged creatures, you will develop your own unique and inimitable strategybringing its own contribution to the piggy bank of achievements.
Reason 3. The habitual "tomorrow"
This point is common to many individuals who fanatically believe that if sit and waitwhen someone solves all the problems - this will definitely happen.
Putting your life aside, for a ghostly tomorrow, you can end up with a real Nothing and Never.
Paradoxical, but true! We convince ourselves in every possible way that we will begin to act when we enlist the support of funds, motivation and the necessary concentration of desire.
For instance: " When will we have a baby? “- a loving wife may ask her husband. And in response he gets the banal: “ Well, when we get on our feet, we buy an apartment, get a dog and ensure financial stability ". Familiar, isn't it?
What if this ghostly tomorrow does not happen at all? Random circumstances carry not only good, but sometimes bad news. You should not postpone the implementation of the planned into a dark, phantom box. After all, tomorrow may not be, or suddenly, it will be much worse today?
Reason 4. An example to follow
In the case when adults, do not take responsibility for their own life, and are already parents, then what they set an example the younger generation?
Programming yourself and children with the principle: “ Eh, it will somehow decide itself or it's better without me ”, You strengthen the belief that you need to do nothing, but wait until the river brings you downstream to the shore. Is this the same shore? Did you want to sail to him?
To build your life, you need balanced and with a perspective successful continuation of the kind... Only in this case, you will not degrade. Indeed, there is no static situation in life: you either work on its improvement, or roll back to the plinth at the speed of sound.
Eliminating the opportunity to refuse, play up and find excuses - you progress and develop. Children picking up parent activity, their proper participation in life and control of all important areas will certainly become more successful than peers... I think you wish your child to become better than you?
Reason 5. Conflictology and freedom!
It is possible that a person who refuses to take responsibility for what is happening does not know how to behave in conflict situations ... And they cut us on almost every corner. The team at work, the nervous boss, the awakening of loved ones on the wrong foot - all this is a reason to practice the necessary behavior under the conditions of such an obsession.
How does it usually work? The man who is afraid be present in your life - sincerely strive to be unidentified, do not intrude into any difficult situations requiring immediate solutions. And solving the problem for him is an enormous stress and panic attack.
But, without working through or practicing conflict situations, to obtain necessary experience, you can simply be overboard reality... And to do all the same evasive, stupid things.
Taking responsibility into your own hands - you will be able to be a free man and dispose of resources, themselves and the right to make decisions personally, without unnecessary explanations.
Reason 6. Adult child
What does the phrase mean for a modern person: “ You need to grow up! "? No, it does not mean that you need to walk with a serious face, give up tomfoolery or games.
She says the time has come take responsibility for your life and start it do it yourself.
In childhood, we are accustomed to the fact that adults will decide everything. They provide shelter over their heads, food supplies, and they have the last, decisive word.
This is logical when you are 18, but if you are 50, and the model is familiar from the cradle has not transformed - you should think hard: “ What will I do when I'm alone? »
Reason 7. Get the most
Desire to become outstanding personality and provide yourself and your loved ones with comfort, happy livingis not possible without your taking responsibility for what you do.
Each act carries with it the pursuit of some goal: to get a prestigious job, to secure the necessary acquaintances, etc.
Feeling innate intuition, can guide you on the right paths to invest, save, and bet. Realizing yourself as master of your life, can completely change your day, outlook and goals.
Once, the level of confidence that your actions focused on achieving dreams, and not on avoidance - will outweigh, then the desire to move faster will spur you on to unknown possibilities and will certainly please effectiveness.
Reason 8. Try again! And again!
Sometimes, the loss of control awaits us with bated breath. Life is full of mysteries, adventures and sometimes, not good news, knocking the soil out from under our feet.
Diseases of loved ones, experienced stress, dismissal, cheating or setting up friends, hit on the head with an iron anvil and beat off any desire to live .
But! Do not dwell on failures and be afraid to try to get your life back on track.
As they say, everything that is not done is for the better !
So take the most useful from this situation - experience and move on, without making monotonous mistakes.
A person is shaped by the amount of effort and believe in yourself ... Remember this when the urge to surrender is almost victory over reason.
Reason 9. Under a lying stone, water does not flow!
This is not surprising, because how can something magical happenif all day long you are busy with an important thing - spitting at the ceiling?
Activity is due your desire to get the most out of life... If you ignore all the gifts and opportunities of fate, then what's the point of complaining about it?
When was the last time you did anything for yourself ? Have invested in education additional experience, master class, knowledge ? How often do you spend time thinking strategies and plans for the future ?
It is thanks to your strengths, fervor and perseverance that you can move mountains! So what are you waiting for, go ahead!
Reason 10. Stop whining and crying!
This is perhaps the most common behavioral misconception I've encountered. I wonder where the desire comes from to see the negative in everything and revel in self-pity, while doing nothing or changing ?
If something doesn't suit you, remember that you are not a tree! You have the right to tear off the sirloin from the sofa and take action in order to change the negative impact factor.
Dear friends! That's all.
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See you on the blog, bye bye!